Quote of the Day

"And by the way, anytime you hear the United States government talking about wiretap -- it requires, a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so. It's important for our fellow citizens to understand -- when you think PATRIOT Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value our constitution." -- George W. Bush, April 2004

Test Your Knowledge!!!

Do you think you know current events? Try and answer the questions below. The correct answers, as supplied by prominent American spiritual leader and pedagogue Rev. Pat Robertson, are below.

1. Being nice to Episcopalians is being nice to spirit of _________________
   
   
2. What is the most terribly treated minority in the history of the world? ________________
   
   
3. What American organization teaches children all forms of bestiality? _______________
   
   
4. What was the common name for a proposed Constitutional Amendment with the goal of increasing child murder and witchcraft? _____________
   
   
5. The practice of homosexuality in Florida is likely to cause which of the following results?
   
   
   A) Floods, famine, earthquakes, and possibly a tornado
   B) Terrorist bombs, earthquakes, tornados and possibly a meteor
   C) Earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, and a plague of frogs
   
   
   
   
6. The National Organization of Women (NOW) holds that all women must be __________ ?
   
   
7. Many of the people around Hitler were Satanists and _______________ ?
   
   
8. One group not bound by the decisions of the U.S. Supreme Court is what? _______________ ?
   
   
9. An instrument that is used productively by Christians but is destructive in the hands of non-Christians is ________________ ?
   
   
10. Who deserves the blame for the 9/11 attacks on Americans?
    

A) Fundamentalist religious extremists who hijacked airplanes
B) Osama bin Laden
C) Gays and the ACLU

---

ANSWERS

1. The Antichrist
   "You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice to them."
   (The 700 Club, 4/14/91)
   
   
2. Christians in America
   "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."
   (1993 interview with Molly Ivins)
   
   
3. Planned Parenthood:
   "It is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism-everything that the Bible condemns."
   (The 700 Club, 4/9/91)
   
   
4. The "Equal Rights Amendment"
   "It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
   (3-page letter to voters of Iowa during Nov. '93 elections, describing a proposed equal rights amendment to the state constitution:)
   
   
5. B
   "It will bring about terrorist bombs, it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor."
   (Quoted by AP, Seattle Times 6/10/98)
   
   
6. Lesbians
   "NOW is saying that in order to be a woman, you've got to be a lesbian."
   (The 700 Club, 12/3/97)
   
   
7. Gays
   "Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals--the two things seem to go together."
   (The 700 Club, 1/21/93)
   
   
8. U.S. Congress (and Pat Robertson)
   "I am bound by the laws of the United States and all 50 states...I am not bound by any case or any court to which I myself am not a party...I don't think the Congress of the United States is subservient to the courts...They can ignore a Supreme Court ruling if they so choose."
   (Quoted in Washington Post, June 27,1986)
   
   
9. The U.S. Constitution
   "The Constitution of the United States, for instance, is a marvelous document for self-government by the Christian people. But the minute you turn the document into the hands of non-Christian people and atheistic people they can use it to destroy the very foundation of our society. And that's what's been happening."
   (The 700 Club, 12/30/81)
   
   
10. C
    Jerry Falwell and Robertson discussing the 9/11 attacks on The 700 Club:
    Falwell: 'I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way - all of them who have tried to secularize America - I point the finger in their face and say "you helped this happen."''
    Robertson: "Well, I totally concur, and the problem is we have adopted that agenda at the highest levels of our government.
    (The 700 Club, 9/13/01)
    

Haikorrection

I posted these haiku to the e-mail group. These were works of fiction, and any similarities between any person, living or dead, or any electronic forum, is strictly coincidental.

No invitation;
No rights for the Waterites
In Chucktatorships

Words cannot escape
Chuck's electronic gulag
Let me on the blog

I search my e-mail.
There is no invitation.
I hate Chuck's ass face.


Even though there was absolutely no correlation between my fictional work and any recognizable elements of my real life, I subsequently felt artistically compelled to add just one haiku:

NO INVITATION!
BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! BAS--
Oh wait... there it is.